Great Marriage Advice: Three Keys to Building a Powerful Partnership

Today, we hear a great deal about how marriages are falling apart. Many people have become resigned and cynical, convinced that their marriage can’t be tolerable. Most people never dream that their relationship with their spouse can be incredible beyond belief.

But it is possible. My husband and I have been married for more than twelve years. Once we began learning about how to create a great marriage, it has gotten better and better everyday. We’re not self-help nuts. We are simply two people who love one another who found really, really great marriage advice.



There were three things that we learned early that helped immensely:

Key to Building a Powerful Partnership #1: Be Responsible for Your Mood – Often, when we’re in a bad mood, or we’re worried about something, it is easy to dump all of our frustration and anger on our spouse. It takes some presence of mind and discipline to handle these situations well, but it is well worth the effort.

When you find yourself in a foul mood, simply say to your spouse, “I’m in a bad mood. This has nothing to do with you, and I will try not to direct it at you.” This allows your spouse to go on about his or her day without feeling either 1) obligated to make you feel better—which never works anyway, or 2) guilty for causing your bad mood—which is usually not their fault.

Saying those simple words creates a level of self-respect, announcing to ourselves and our spouse that we’re responsible for the daily ups and downs of our moods. Also, it helps us to avoid making assumptions about one another that create problems of their own. The best way to handle a problem is to never start one in the first place. Begin by saying the simple words above and see what miracles occur in your relationship.

Key to Building a Powerful Partnership #2: Make An Effort to Support Your Spouse the Way He or She Would Like to Be Supported – Most of us try to help out our spouses in the exact wrong way. I used to offer a lot of encouragement to my husband. But it never seemed to make any difference. He remained uninspired, and I got frustrated.

When I read this piece of wisdom, however, I actually asked him how I could best support him. He told me that he’d love good home-cooked meals and he’d love to spend time with me. What a surprise that was to me. So I started supporting him how he wanted to be supported and I scheduled time for us to spend time together. He felt taken care of and I felt appreciated. It was wonderful.

Key to Building a Powerful Partnership #3: Learn to Handle Disagreements – This is my favorite key, for it gives us the framework for handling tough situations. Disagreements will arise, that is the nature of being married. Following these rules will help any couple get through an argument:

a. Define the Problem and Ask, Immediately, “Is one of us just picking a fight?”– Actually do this. Sometimes, this will be the end of the argument, for some arguments are not really about anything except one spouse picking a fight. But the spouse who is picking a fight needs to be honest about it. This can take practice and more than a little humility. If your spouse admits to picking a fight, don’t say, “I told you so.” Show them some respect for having been honest.
b. Each Spouse Gets a Turn at Saying what They Need to Way about the Matter Without Interruption – This gives each person an opportunity to shed some baggage. This is needed in order to find a solution. But stop yourselves from going on and on, emoting about how upset you are.
c. Each Spouse Comes up with a Solution – Make these reasonable and not irrational solutions. After you’ve both offered one, then you can brainstorm on the solution. Usually, you’ll come up with one together that is really good.
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Dr. Isabella Santorini
Dr. Isabella Santorini

Dr. Isabella Santorini used to have a marriage that was fine, but it certainly wasn’t fantastic. She learned about creating a great marriage from a master at marriage. Since then, her relationship with her husband has flowered into a powerful partnership. Learn from the person who taught Dr. Isabella: http://mbguevara.savemarria.hop.clickbank.net/

Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/great-marriage-advice-three-keys-to-building-a-powerful-partnership-423203.html

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3 Keys To A Successful Marriage (Or Love Life)

No one enters into marriage (or any modern variation on a long-term committed relationship) intending it to end. No one thinks that will happen to them.

Yet you'd have to be a supreme ostrich not to have some awareness of the odds of your marriage lasting " 'til death do you part." (I'm going to say "marriage" to save a lot of typing from here on, okay? Insert your own variation as we go along!)

So here are a few keys to increase your chances of your marriage being one of the successful ones. (You know the kind: when the press ask you on your 80th anniversary, "What's the secret of a successful marriage?")


Successful Marriage Key 1 - Know Your Outcome.

Ideally, you should do this before you propose or accept the proposal, but it's never too late to change!

Ask yourself, (not your beloved - yourself!), what kind of relationship suits you.

For example, whilst equality may be one of your ideals, if you're scrupulously honest with yourself, are you actually naturally drawn to being dominant in other areas of your life?

If you're bossy at the office, (even if you're not the boss), the leader and motivator of your social group, it's unlikely you'll be happy being a mouse at home! If that's your personality type, for you to have a successful marriage, choose a spouse who's happy being led by you.

On the other hand, if you're comfortable being the deputy, and you're a great organiser as long as someone's told you how they want their filing cabinet sorted or their garden to look, then you don't want a mousy partner if your marriage is to succeed.

Are you extrovert or introverted in nature? Are you optimistic or pessimistic? How resistant are you to change like moving house or career change?

Give yourself a personality workout. It's these kind of characteristics far more than "interests in common" that make a couple compatible.

If you're already well into a marriage by the time you read this, at least you know where to look, (inside yourself!), for where the causes of any struggle might lay. Once you get some clarity about this, have a really deep and honest conversation or ten with your spouse.

Successful Marriage Key 2 - Learn Each Other's Language.

It has been said that only 7% of communication is verbal. The old chestnut of "my wife doesn't understand me" - the almost cartoon excuse for an extra-marital affair - isn't going to wash in the twenty first century.

The main reason that couples don't understand each other is because they don't know each other's language. I'm not talking about what you say in words.

You each will have codes. Facial expressions, tones of voice and of course, codes of conduct. These are behaviours each of you will have grown up with. I know of at least one couple whose marriage suffered badly in the early days because whenever they argued the wife would leave the room, whilst the husband was yelling "Don't you dare walk out on me!"

It turned out that he had grown up in a family who believed that no matter how big or bad the disagreement, you stayed until it was resolved. His wife, on the other hand, grew up in a family where it was considered the ultimate insult to dignity to be shouted at, and you simply didn't stay in a room where that was going on.

Once they discovered this, they were able to at least come to some agreement about how to disagree!

Successful Marriage Key 3 - Dare to be honest.

It sounds simple but this can be the toughest one of all because every one of us has fears that if "you knew X about me, you wouldn't like me."

We all have them because no one gets through childhood without ever receiving some kind of message that parts of us are not perfect. We are reminded that it's rude not to say thank you, impolite to belch publicly and so on.

Then there are social, moral and religious codes that we are "obliged" to follow, not to mention legal rules. Most of us, at times, walk tightropes on some of these areas of life, and a few of us have even been known to cross the odd line from time to time. (No one I know ever has, of course! But I've heard the rumours).

But the more you are prepared to "psychologically unpack" with your nearest and dearest, the more you'll build up trust between you, but there's a much more important result to this.

You'll feel more loved, because you'll discover that the parts of you that you yourself had thought unacceptable, even unlovable, are now accepted and cherished as part of you by the person who matters to you most.

In return, you'll love her or him all the more for loving you.

Now who'd want to leave a marriage like that?
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Trevor Emdon

Trevor Emdon is a self improvement author, life coach and workshop leader. He is a trained mental health professional & NLP practitioner. For advice, free articles and more about heartbreak recovery, visit his website www.trust-in-relationships.com

Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/3-keys-to-a-successful-marriage-or-love-life-470807.html

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Parenting Through Divorce

by: Jeffrey Willis
What ever your grounds for getting a divorce is, you shouldn’t put your youngsters in the center of it. Divorce may happen to be the end of your marriage, simply it isn’t the end of your task as a parent. Divorce parenting can be a tough situation if not done properly. If you and your ex partner can come to an arrangement on particular guidelines then you might merely be able to get out of this situation. Most experts can concur that even though divorce parenting isn’t optimal, active parents play a big role in a child’s living. So here are a few points for you to observe. Consider discussing this program with your ex spouse.


Divorce Parenting with a Plan

Your first decision should be a visitation schedule. Now I don’t know what your position is, but it will be positive for your kids if you share custody. If you happen to get full custody of your minors than, please make sure your ex partner is involved. I understand you might sometimes be angry at your ex spouse, only you don’t want to prevent your kids from seeing their father or mother.

Your next order of concern should be finances. Now typically speaking the person who gets custody gets 10% - 25% of the other parent’s income. I tend to believe that this is the wrong way of conducting with the situation. I grew up with separate parents, and it was more horrible when my mother took my father to court for child support. Each time my father would come see me, they would start fighting. The easiest times I got growing up were when we were all together. My parents agree to split costs and custody evenly. I urge you follow a similar plan. You should split the costs of the spending for your minors right down the middle. This will ensure a solid family relationship.

You might need to discuss your children’s education. You should both be playing a role in your children’s education. It is fine if you decide to take care of your kids at different times, only when it comes to education you should both be there in helping them learn. Since my parents were fighting at the beginning of my childhood; I used to go to the library to study and learn. You know I have never been to Disney World, but going to the library felt like that for me.

This is the most key part of divorce parenting and parenting in whole, discipline. You need to have a certain set of house rules and discipline that work best with both of you. You don’t want one parent being the strict one, while the other one plays the gracious one. Even though you live in other households you are still considered a couple when it comes to your children’s eyes. If you desire to learn more about discipline see this website: http://www.parentinghelpcentral.com/parenting-discipline/parenting-discipline-discipline-in-this-generation As long as you both make similar guidelines when it comes to disciplining you should do fine.

Working together as divorce parents might be tedious at first, but as long as you follow a set plan you should be able to make the transition smoother on your kids. Just remember be respectful of your ex partner and don’t place your minors in the center of anything.

About The Author

After having a rough childhood, I have made it my goal to help parents with advice on parenting in general. You can read more on this subject at http://www.parentinghelpcentral.com/divorce-parenting/divorce-parenting-parenting-after-a-divorce/ or about more on http://www.parentinghelpcentral.com/

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